It was bound to happen, so I'm not surprised: According to The Onion—reportedly America's finest news outlet—Apollo 11 Mission Commander Neil Armstrong has finally admitted that the Moon landings were fake and staged. All thanks to Ralph Coleman:

“It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind’s so-called ‘greatest technological achievement’ for me to realize I had been living a lie, ” said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. “It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely in New Mexico.”

“This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage,” Armstrong added.

About bloody time, Neil. Now, we only need to uncover where Elvis is hiding, and my life will be complete. [The Onion]