If women playing games, especially pretty women, weren’t still such a rarity, it’d be a less interesting Google search. And even though, as a medium, video gaming is a lot more equal than it’s been in the past, it’s still a tall order to fire up Xbox Live and come across a player of the female gender. Plus for some reason, all women on Xbox Live have the exact same voice and sound like 12-year-old boys. I’m not sure what that’s about.
Anyway, girl gamers do exist, and there are plenty to drool over. For your convenience, we’ve stripped (get it?) the “wandering blindly through the plains of the Internet” portion of the process of finding them, and gone straight to the “staring at pictures” part.
14.
The Frag Dolls
A rotating group of Ubisoft-sponsored female pro-gamers. Let me reiterate: Rotating. Female. Pro. Gamers. The Frag Dolls show up on Xbox Live every Friday for your multiplayer enjoyment, and from the sounds of things, they splatter many of us amateur miscreants all over cyberspace. These aren’t just women who happen to know their way around a controller; these are women who know their way around rocket launchers. Tanks. Car theft. Gunslinger duels. Bare-knuckle boxing. Sounds like a great date – even if you’re losing.
13.
Morgan Webb
TV host, columnist – Morgan Webb plays a lot of video games and could probably kick your ass at many of them. She co-hosts X-Play on G4, which hit 1,000 episodes this year, and reviews enough games to put on episodes three times a week. She also hosts G4 Underground.
12.
Michele Boyd
If being an actress (she plays Riley on The Guild) and snowboarder weren’t enough, Michele is crazy smart. She earned her Bachelor of Science degree in Neurobiology, Physiology and Behavior from the University of California – Davis, which means she knows more about your brain than you do. Michele games, watches stuff like Battlestar Galactica, and probably understands the science behind Warp drive and those worms that crawl in your ear in Wrath of Kahn. Is it getting hot in here?
11.
Zooey Daschanel
Indie queen Zooey’s position on nerd love lists has never been exactly low. She even took the starring role in the formerly SciFi Channel’s miniseries “Tinman,” an update of the Wizard of Oz that was…well, somewhat dreadful. Turns out, though, in addition to leading her own band, taking on cool indie film roles, and generally being a super-cool girl next door, Zooey is a huge fan of – wait for it – The Legend of Zelda. And not just any Zelda: the SNES sequel A Link to the Past, arguably THE BEST Zelda. I don’t know about you, but for me, potential 16-bit makeout music would raise any woman’s stock.
10.
Milynn Sarley
Spreading her love of games and nerd culture throughout the Internet via her YouTube channel is what landed Milynn (pronounced My Lynn, not “your Lynn”) her a gig hosting for EA TV. Clearly you know what you’re talking about when the gaming industry calls you for a job. Also, if you needed more evidence of her awesomeness, Milynn is working on her black belt in Shotokan – so she can hand you your ass both digitally and in real life.
9.
Jessica Chobot
Not only does Jessica share your affinity for video games, she writes for and does hosting at IGN.com – so she’s knowledgeable. She’s like having a hot player’s guide, or a hot new release calendar. Here’s a woman who not only will play games with you and talk games with you – she can teach you a few things as well. And maybe not just about games. (She writes a blog for Maxim. Totally what I meant.)
8.
Mila Kunis
What’s cooler than starring in the lackluster Mark Wahlberg adaptation of Max Payne? Well, lots of things – but having some digital street cred at least is cool. Mila earns hers setting people on fire in World of Warcraft. In addition to hilarious turns on That 70′s Show and Family Guy, she spends her time vanquishing monsters as a mage in the MMO. Cue about 900 thinly veiled innuendos about magic missiles.
7.
Felicia Day
A woman so deeply entrenched in the MMO culture, she was able to write, direct, produce and star in a hugely successful web show about it called The Guild. And she’s a redhead. And she’s hilarious. And she’ll dress up with you when you go to Comic Con. Or for other special occasions, like every Wednesday night.
6.
Clare Grant
Having Seth Green for a husband gives Clare a ton of nerd cred at the outset – she’s married to Scott Evil, people – so when she says video games are her hobby, it’s probably fair to say she can rock an energy sword as well as a zergling rush. She’s an actress who has appeared in Black Snake Moan and Walk the Line, but Clare’s coolest role must be producing and starring in Saber, an award-winning Star Wars fan film along with…
5.
Rileah Vanderbilt
…who also wields a lightsaber with more skill than both Kenobi and Vader in A New Hope. Rileah also is an actress who has appeared in movies such as Hatchet and Hatchet 2 and Frozen, which was a Sundance 2010 selection, and she’s into comics, video games and Star Wars (obviously). Really, that video linked in Clare’s profile should be plenty, but if not, know that Rileah is also one-fourth of the mysterious Team Unicorn, along with Clare, Michele and Milynn.
4.
Jenny McCarthy
She shows up in Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 and Your Shape on Wii – and she’s been playing games since Pac-Man. And apparently in addition to acting in Command and Conquer, Jenny’s an avid player. So she’s funny, sexy and an adept military strategist. Sounds ideal for the inevitable zombie apocalypse – and you’d have someone to play games with, too.
3.
Megan Fox
Imagine a digital femme fatale who could rip off her face and set you aflame with her fire breath as “Finish Him!” echoes in your ears – that’s Megan, a devout Mortal Kombat fan. Before she was appearing in perpetual sunset as robots wail on each other care of Michael Bay, she was playing games – her first system was the Super Nintendo.
2.
Grace Park
She’s the sexy science fiction icon best known for her turn as the killer Cylon robot model Number Eight, who was also a fighter pilot, in the 2003 Battlestar Galactica update. Even better(!) – she’s an old-school gamer. Grace is into Donkey Kong and the all-time most-likely-to-lead-to-things date game, Super Mario Kart. It doesn’t get much hotter than that.
1.
Your Girlfriend, Idiot
Especially if she’s in the room right now, looking over your shoulder, your girlfriend is the hottest woman gamer there is. And that’s what you should tell her. Specifically if she plays with you, and can stand you. Seriously – she’s real, and that’s a pretty big boon. Don’t have a girlfriend? You should get on that. Hop on Xbox Live on Friday nights and try to impress a Frag Doll. (Note: You may have to practice your abilities, and charms, beforehand.)